LeeMobile

Things between Ash and myself have been getting better each time we see each other. There was a bit of a rocky start when I first got here in Ottawa, but we are becoming “reacquinted” with each other and learning to be in each others’ company without arguing. I hope things get better as the Summer progresses, because we get along so well together when things are good.

We did get a chance to spend a bit of time together last night, although it was more spread with her friends. We went out for some Thai and afterwards we headed over to Melissa and Christiano’s place for some drinking action. It was a fun and random night. We crashed their place, and in the drunk and stoned state that I was in I became introspective on where she and I stand.

The “relationship” we have is kind of in a grey area. I’m not sure I can call her my girlfriend, but she’s definitely more than a friend. I can’t say that she’s my “bed buddy” either, because neither of us believe in polyamorous relationships and there’re lingering emotions between us. Usually it’s easy to slap a label on something, and I hate labelling things, but I wish there was some sort of label that we could pin what’s happening. Maybe I’ll be bland and say that we’re “casually dating”.

I think we’ve come to this point due to the “damage” left over from our break up during reading week. We’ve both grown from it, and it is hard to move on as if it didn’t happen. I’m leaving in a few short months, so there’s a lot of uncertainty between us. There’s also uncertainty in her life right now too, as she could be leaving Ottawa as well. This hasn’t stopped us before from being “happy together” in the past. I remember quite fond times with her back when we were dating, and the situation of me moving was no different than it is now.

But the damage has been done, and things have changed.

Lately the idea that everything we encounter in life is in constant flux arises often. The relationship we have with those around us is always changing, sometimes for better or worse. Right now I get to see “love” blossoming before me with some friends of mine, I experience the changes occurring between Ash and myself, and I get to watch a new friend go through a tough divorce. If there’s anything that’s ever constant, it’s that there is nothing that’s constant. “Love” is never a constant, it’s just something that changes over time.

We can’t ever rely on things to be constant, even with people. Relationships are fleeting too. I say this not to mean that they fade and disappear, but that that they are always changing form. Things can never be what they once were. So it’s kind of silly of me to compare my time with her to what was once past, because it can never be that way again. I should focus on the present, and enjoy what I can without thinking too much of what will happen or what has happened. At least this way I won’t take her company for granted. We only have the present moment after all.

But anyways, blogging about someone who reads this blog has just made this weirder than it already is.

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 3rd, 2006 at 9:34 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.